I am Queen Susan The Gentle!
by ShaniEneida
Summary: In Christmas Eve, an old woman is watching through the window some snowflakes falling, while she remembers when she wanted to hunt a white stag... so long ago. This is my version of what Susan feels and chooses at the very dusk of her life. Oneshot.


**A: I don't own the Chronicles of Narnia or any character commented. Only the idea of posting the story this way is entirely mine. Enjoy!**

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Winter is your favorite time of year, Christmas, the commonplace tree, the baked turkey… an endless number of things. You find yourself sitting on a wheelchair, alone in one of the many corners of that apartment of yours; you are feeling so cold and the only thing that comforts you is your own decrepit time: falling apart, walking downward to the depths of demise.

The nurse brings you a hot tea plus a blanket, you want nothing but anyway you accept it: knowing she didn't bring them because of a good will for you'll be paying her twice the money she really deserves. The nurse leaves and you stare out of the window… accepting resigned that tomorrow you won't see this ever again.

You watch four children: two boys and two girls playing; they're hunting a white stag. You are awed, and then you remember… once upon a time you wanted to hunt a white stag in a summer day, with a golden-haired man, a jet black-haired younger one and another chestnut-haired girl. _Peter, Edmund, Lucy. _But they and you didn't dream about it, you lived it and it was no game like the daydream of these children leaping through the uneven snow. _No game._

Noticing a harsh pain in your chest, you can manage it, even though your time is fading away. _At last._

You keep on remembering, you saw a white stag, a galloping horse, a dwarf and even a Lion. _The Great Lion. _The whole thing in a single day; you climbed trees, swam, listened, consoled… people would call you forever "gentle".

Making an effort to smile you achieve it, you were twelve when that magnificent day occurred. _Happier than ever_. But your siblings and you as kings and queens would have to return into the poverty and despair of the Second War…

A knock at the door startle you and quickly shout to the nurse to get the door open, someone enters to deliver a newspaper. You pick it up and spread it. _No!_ You wish you'd never opened that, because it reminds of how much you lost in a single day.

The headline brings up some Death's Anniversary happened during a train crash… so far away now. You close your eyes and find yourself in the afternoon of the dreadful day._ Walking across the white halls, lifeless, turning in a corner just to enter in a sort of room like the previous one, all the same. Shuddering, biting my lips I'm aware of what is waiting for me, I can see how build into the walls are drawers very similar to archivists, I just want to leave! However I remain still._

_The officer, heartless withdraws five drawers. I'm starting to whimper. I take a step closer to the first one and uncover it… The golden-haired man is lying motionless, he's extremely pale, and I know he's gone, yet, I believe he's just immerse in a dream… that will last till the end of eternity. Oh Aslan! With a remarkable woe I can barely see the other drawers. Running away from that horrible place I'm free to cry._

Opening your eyes you wonder bitterly, Susan, how could you be so blind, so fool… if you had listened to them, if you had worried about Narnia, _Narnia? _perhaps in this right moment they would be here next to you.

_I wouldn't be alone._

But your family has departed forever.

Always remembering, every now and then shedding tears; lipsticks, invitations and the fashionable nylons were your world at that time. You stopped behaving like you did, no more single-life routine, no more childish funny games of lions, centaurs… fancy they were still thinking of it!

_And I wouldn't be here, old and stupid finished in a wheelchair if I hadn't shut my mouth! I didn't want they knew I was vulnerable and feeble when Aslan told Peter and me that we were never to be back in Narnia. It was hopeless, it was slaying me, and I couldn't bear it dear, at all times trying so hard to find a way out of my dismal situation until mournfully I choose to forget Narnia and Aslan. Of course not accurately, nevertheless I successfully enclosed the most part of it. I changed, my gentleness casted off. I was a proper lady. In the aftermath of the accident: one year later… I started to think of all the things I'm saying, I realized my mistakes… everything. Life passes by and with that you obtain the precise knowledge to make the correct decision at the dusk of your life. And I already made mine! I believe in Aslan, in Narnia, in my bow, my arrows, the talking animals… I'm Queen Susan The Gentle! Now I will be with all of you: my family. No more pain, no more lies, I'll meet you again._

After sixty years your features are able to beam for real, the harsh pain in your chest has vanished… for the last time you watch fondly those little ones playing in the alley pitching to each other heavy snowballs.

The ice that overwhelmed your feelings had been melting little by little in those sixty years; becoming the "gentle" of your short youth. In this very same moment you're feeling lighter, younger. With an uttermost happiness… you'll be resting in peace; with an ultimate breath you laugh, bidding farewell to the pristine snow and the so delicate shape of a snowflake: as the last image your eyes gaze at the distance.

For this fact, winter is your favotite time of year: the magnificent day which you used to talk and remember often, began in the Christmas Eve, followed by the voyage across the Magic Land where you saw a white stag, a galloping horse and the Great Lion roaring.

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**I know it's quite short but it's just a thought of mine of what really happened afterward. It'll be good for me if you'd post a review, doesn't matter if it's short, and also if you have any comments about this story or my writing let me know: I would gladly read them. **


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